Underconfidence: The Alter Ego of Confidence
There is no building block more essential in life and in entrepreneurship than confidence. It fuels every action we take, yet behind the awe inspiring light of confidence, dwells a shadowy figure known as underconfidence. The name alone injects a viral cocktail of mixed emotions steeped in an ominous sickening dread. Which imposes the hesitant desire to ask, what is underconfidence? And how could it effect me? As perilous as the journey is to this answer, it is exponentially more fraught with danger, for an entrepreneur to seek out. Even I have had an ongoing battle with this affliction succumbing to its whim on more than one occasion. Now you may wonder can one word really possess such an unnerving aura? If so than how can one possibly combat such a force? You must first be able to see that even if you are gripped in the clasp of such a daunting foe there still lies hope. For as boisterous as its bravado may be it is not invincible there are real solutions to arm and empower yourself, with your own sword of confidence.
To overcome this obstacle we must first understand what underconfidence means. Peter Atwater, a researcher of confidence-driven decision making, and professor at The University of Delaware, gave a speech stating “underconfidence is a gross underestimation of one’s own ability as well as their potential to perform in comparison to others” It also causes one to over estimate the severity of a problem they may face.
A haunted house for example, we know is in a controlled environment, and monsters and ghost are not real. Yet, once you step in to that haunted house traversing through the darkness underconfidence begins to seep into the crevices of your mind. Add the eerie sounds, the ghouls with the terrifying mask, and you start to wonder, "am I sure this isn’t real?" Then suddenly without warning a man in a hockey mask lunges out, rusty bloodied chainsaw in hand, ready to impose his twisted deranged will. Now you are uncontrollably stifled with fear, all reason and logic shoot out the window as you run in a panic. Just a few dozen yards from the ghastly terror, you now catch glimpse of a light shimmering in the distance. You charge towards it and resurface out into the real world, relieved that you managed to survive. As your heart begins to settle you come to the realization that you came here with friends, maybe even a date, but they are nowhere to be seen. It dawns on you that you left them behind long ago. Just as you muster the courage to race back in, they haphazardly appear. You laugh you joke, its us together we are the world again.
As you just read, this push and pull struggle of confidence and underconfidence can cause drastic shifts in our behavior and decision making. When we are confident, we tend to be more inclusive and considerate about what goes on around us. Underconfidence however, causes us to adopt more of a me, here, now attitude in our demeanor. Being only concerned for our own well being or what benefits our own needs in that current moment. It can also stunt our growth socially, causing us to miss out on relationships and experiencing life.
For instance you may be in a new group of people and they are fiercely debating a topic that you are a guru on. Yet just as you are poised to chime in, second thoughts begin to clamp shut your voice box. What if I sound stupid? will they even care for what I have to say? What if they laugh at me and make fun of my thought process? Before you even realize it, underconfidence has enveloped you in its reclusive anti-embrace. The riveting conversation has ended and you are left alone with thoughts that have mildewed from inexpression. The opportunity to build new friendships has expired.
While not taking risk and loss of social advances my seem like the worst effects, they are only the tip of the iceberg. When a person becomes deeply entrenched in the belief their lives just will not get any better, then that person may start to depreciate the value of their own life. The inability to realize one’s own self-worth also makes them more susceptible thoughts of suicide and manipulation. There are those in this world who can see potential and talents in others even when they do not see it in themselves. They can empower us in ways we never thought possible to do things we otherwise might never have done on our own. Unfortunately more often than not, the people who see that budding capability, prey upon it for their own selfish gain. Groups such as gangs, and companies like payday lenders, home refinance generators, and even gun makers build their entire business model around the fear that underconfidence generates. Convincing people that during this time of recession, they should act now, and seek refuge in the services they provide before it is too late. Despite the perils we face dealing with underconfidence in our daily lives, Taking on the mantle of entrepreneur forbodes an even more arduous implication.
Entrepreneurship, is a constant tangled web of struggle. Its whole premise is seemingly bound in an endless rotation of confidence and underconfidence. You can hit your highest stride and fall to the darkest pits of despair all before 9 a.m.; Constantly fretting over the next step to take for your business. Trying to balance work, and a personal life can be more than overwhelming at times. Yet the most challenging difficulty an entrepreneur faces is failure. This is when underconfidence hits the hardest. Even the smallest setback can change the very nature and progression of your business. What do you do now? Do you give up? And if you were to keep going do you take the same risks as before? Every small business owner has come to these crossroads paved in questioning and uncertainty. It is here we either rise like the ethereal phoenix from the ashes or plummet into the desolate abyss of obscurity. The loss can be too great and the recovery too dire a strait, which can lead a person to take there own life. The financial loss can be devastating but the mental and emotional toll is the trigger that leads to such a tragic end. I am also no stranger to the alter ego of confidence in fact it is the reason it took me more than 15 years to start a dream I always had.
Did you know that you can have all the talent in the world and have more support than you know what to do with, yet it all be for nothing if you do not have confidence in yourself? I won’t go into great detail for that is a story that has earned more than just an excerpt, but I never truly believed in myself. Even now, admitting this brings its own bittersweet catharsis. Despite all the praise, amazing feats, or whatever accomplishments I made, it seemed like it just wasn’t good enough to impress myself. Incensed with the idea I could do more, it became this singular focus in my mind, and ultimately set me up for my own failure. When it came, it hit in droves, to the point that even things I excelled at became impossible tasks to complete. There was no person in my life harder on me than myself. In time it became hatred, and I took from myself what I loved most. Friends, closeness with family, I even stopped drawing and writing for years. It was all a form of punishment for my short-comings and failures. I became the very aspect of underconfidence.
Fast forward to almost a year ago the most tragic event I ever faced in my life forced me to see a truth I been blind to.It nearly cost me my life and my freedom. It took a long time to accept the loss of people who were so precious to me, but because I survived that unfortunate event, I am in a place now where my confidence is more constant than it has ever been. This compelled me to rebuild and refocus on the dream of owning my own business, something I had truly given up on. Even though my debut wasn’t quite a successful one, my resolve has not wavered. I am gearing up for my next venture and executing steps that will make my business more of a success. I won’t pretend this was some overnight epiphany. It took a lot of prayer and talks with the man upstairs. Another big part was actually setting and accomplishing realistic goals for myself. Then allowing myself to take the time necessary to celebrate those achievements. For everyone the solution will be a little different but there are key things that can help turn underconfidence in sustainable confidence.
Before anything else you have to understand underconfidence does not equate to weakness or laziness. When we label it as such, it completely undermines any potential to build hope in the affected. Secondly, confidence is not something people are born with, it is a skill that we must learn to master and apply constantly in our daily lives. Once this has been understood, we can begin to take real actionable steps in helping those who struggle with underconfidence. The next part to creating a working solution is to always keep in mind, the underconfident crave affirmation. Support and encouragement has to be genuine and personalized. Underconfident people tend to be hyper aware and overly perceptive. They can easily see through generic attempts to build their confidence. It is also important to know complexity is the opposition of the underconfident. The solution has to be simple, but not too oversimplified less it will trigger their keen insight. Creating short term goals is vital to boosting their confidence level. Programs that are local and set in very small numbered groups make it easier to give them more one on one instances. This opens up opportunities for that genuine assurance that is key to building their confidence. I would really like to create some workshops here in Memphis, to help underconfident kids as well as older people understand what it is, and have activities that show confidence as a skill that can be developed, maintained, and built upon.
Underconfidence is a really serious issue that because of its simplistic appearance flies under the radar far too often. All the while we do not even realize just how large a roll it plays in our lives. It is the catalyst for so many issues we face as individuals and as a society. While it is a taxing ordeal, there is no need to panic. Underconfidence will always be something we face in business and in life. It does not spell disaster or certain impending doom. You have the ability not to just overcome it, but develop a healthy sustainable confidence level. By consistently setting realistic, small actionable goals, confidence can be forged in yourself. Now that you are armed with the tools to create your own sword of confidence, it is time to cut through the menacing grasp of underconfidence holding you down and take back what it is yours. Be the change you want to create.
Afternotes
I know this was a rather lengthy edition, but this was a topic that really resonated with me, and I really wanted to shed some light on it. Even with all this I only touched on a portion of the subject. So If this is a subject that you are interested in, then start with Peter Atwater's YouTube video about underconfidence. If you stayed with me to the very end, thank you; You have no idea how much I appreciate you; I hope that this was something enlightening and useful to you. Now that you learned a little something about the subject, what are some moments you struggled with Underconfidence? How did you deal with it? Do you know someone who is deeply affected by it? In order to make these blogs truly “Prolific” I need your feedback, in fact I crave it! So in the comment section below be sure to let me know your thoughts on the topic. I will also be posting a link to my blogs on on all my social media platforms. Facebook: Prolific Hands1, Instagram: iamprolicifchands, Twitter: Prolific Hands. Feel free to share and continue the discussion on any one of those platforms and yes I will be getting in the habit of responding back to your comments frequently so come on test me! Looking forward to your responses thank you.